Just what I need after a big ass awful fight with the husband. WW3, for sure.
Ahh too bad I don’t smoke cigarettes anymore, I sure could go for one right about now.
Anyway, back to the beer drinking and pizza eating.
that the pain of my three miscarriages is never going to go away. It’s been creeping up a lot lately since June 23rd (the day I found out about the first pregnancy) and it’s just killing me. This morning I was watching TV with my husband and just burst out crying for no reason. I keep having dreams about holding the most beautiful baby in my arms and it being taken away from me. It’s sad… it really is.
It only makes it worse that every single day someone else is pregnant… effortlessly pregnant that is. And all those people want to talk about is their pregnancy, and it pisses me off more than anything. I pretend that I’m happy for them, but in all honestly, I’m really not. It’s not fair that it can happen so easily for someone else but not for me. Everything in my life has been a struggle and I’m ok with that… but why this? Why? That’s all I want to know.
I’ve never done anything wrong and now I’ve just got all these problems. Constant pelvic and back pain that no doctor cares about. My insurance is about to run out and trying to find a new one that will cover my condition is going to be some hard work. No one will help me and it’s the most fucking frustrating thing in the world. It’s been a fucking year and I still have no idea why I’ve lost three babies. It hurts so damn bad you have no idea.
I just know that a year ago I was the happiest girl in the world. A year ago tomorrow I married my husband and was pregnant with his child and I couldn’t have asked for anything better than that day. Little did I know, four days later would be the beginning of my first miscarriage. The 4th of July in 2010 is the last really good day I’ve had. Now I don’t look forward to it at all, but I have to put on my happy face and pretend like it doesn’t bother me, otherwise everyone will feel sorry for me and I don’t want that. It’s either that… or everyone acts like it will be okay and it’s not a big deal. Sorry, but this is the biggest fucking deal ever.
That’s all I have to say.
I am REALLY wanting some wine tonight. Seriously, that’s all I can think about at the moment. Wine would make this girl very happy.
Always reblog.
Gahh, I hate my life right now. Everything just kind of sucks all at once. I want something to go my fucking way just one time. That’d be pretty damn awesome.
Oh, hey there, Mr. Jared Leto. Could you stop being so damn sexy, please? I can’t take it… and my drooling over you is making my husband extremely jealous.
